Behind the Scenes: Facing Imposter Syndrome and Fighting for the Cloud

Friday’s Imposter Syndrome:  

When I posted my pre-orders and blog, I chose to do it late at night, right before a big morning where I knew I’d be offline most of the day. I had been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever. I believed the timing with the contest could help gain traction, but how do you make something both whimsical and meaningful? A call-to-action, yet quietly hopeful…

Quiet, just in case no one really cared.

Alma’s imagination is boundless. We pretend by dressing up, creating, & adventuring. I’m there for it! But at times, I feel my own imagination is relentless. 

A cloud drifts in, & I find myself asking, “who am I really?”

Imposter syndrome.

Outwardly, I sound confident. But inside, I compare myself, spiral, and question my purpose. It’s like mini clouds on each shoulder, each whispering a different doubt.

I wish it were as simple as angel versus devil because at least one would be kind. But often, it’s fear, anxiety, the ED monster, and self-doubt all swirling into a clashing storm.

With this adventure, I worried, will it come off  as though I’m truly advocating for mental health when I speak up? Or will people think I’m whining ‘woe is me’? I want to believe we live in a world where honesty is met with support. Where vulnerability is welcomed. But the truth is, I don’t always have that guarantee. 

I hope you see I’m not writing from a place of perfection, fame, or finances speaking, but from a place in the trenches. I’m being open so others feel less alone. That comes with oversharing; I write because maybe someone out there was pretending too. And if you’re reading this, I hope you feel seen. 

Saturday’s Imposter Syndrome

During the contest tryouts, coaches kept saying, “Make this a show. Show your passion.”

If you’ve read the above, you’ll understand why talking about mental health with family and friends can be so hard. I want to seem stronger than I feel, but put me in front of strangers, and I’m louder, more energetic, and I shine brighter.

I knew I would earn my golden ticket.

I also knew, from beta reading & editor reviews:

1. I have something that is “a tool not to deny but embrace”
2. I wrote something “highly sophisticated but easy to grasp”
3. I had passion & an amazing cloud-theme dress picked out by Alma, paired with a yellow sunny bow

What I didn’t expect was how quickly the contest shifted from merit-based judging by literary professionals to a full-blown American Idol-style popularity vote.

I guess that’s on me. They did say, “Think American Idol,” but I thought the advertised judges’ battle rounds and their silence about audience voting meant it would be more like a panel of judges deciding, not a popularity contest where I’d have to beg for votes every week.

So now I realize: the votes I get will be the ones I have to hustle for, week after week, for a whole month.

Unexpected Twist

They hit me with the fact that “an original, not previously written story” didn’t mean the book’s idea had to be unique or unheard of. It literally meant I wasn’t allowed to have written a single word of the story before the contest, only a pitch. The intention is for their writing coaches to teach aspiring authors how to write a story, almost like ghostwriting together. 

That’s when I faced my imposter syndrome head-on.

They agreed to honor my golden ticket, after a meeting to inform other competitors that a few of us had what they called an “unfair advantage.” Because of that, they would be letting in contestants who were previously rejected…as a penalty?!

That’s the rub, a contest for the Next Bestseller, focused on marketability and passion, where they’ve told people their ideas have no merit and shouldn’t be a book. But now I have to compete against them, with my book, where:

1. I have something “a tool not to deny but embrace”
2. I wrote something “highly sophisticated but easy to grasp”
3. I had passion &an amazing cloud-theme dress picked out by Alma, paired with a yellow sunny bow

You invested in me. Now I’m investing in myself.

I’m stronger. This book is worth more. And I’ll be using my time and energy during the month of June to make it happen, no more waiting for your votes…because I know now I already have them.

Don’t forget to pre-order today! 

https://gofund.me/af3ec8eb

or venmo: @kendall-concini