“Be Enough for Yourself First. The Rest of the World Can Wait”

Let’s unpack depression and self-doubt.

My depression, my cloud, grows by absorbing ideas of inadequacy and generally wondering WTF are you doing?

It’s a chronic, pessimistic feeling where experiences, whether positive or negative, are examined through excessive guilt, slowly eroding my self-esteem.

A Small Example: When Self-Doubt Takes Over

For example, my husband’s golf was canceled on Tuesday, so I got to go out with a friend instead. But I found myself asking him three times if it was really okay. Why? Because my cloud was reinforcing a negative self-perception that I was being ‘greedy with time.’

Now, you might think this sounds like anxiety, but it wasn’t anxiousness. It was a sapped energy, a feeling that my idea wasn’t a good one, and suddenly I found it hard to engage…and well, our bar trivia conversation was about my snowballing brain & currently struggles.

If you don’t resonate with the cloud, I also use the analogy of taste buds: when you try something too hot, your taste buds get burnt. You can keep eating, but you lose the fullness of the flavor. That’s how self-doubt can feel.

When Self-Doubt Becomes Chronic

Self-doubt can be healthy, or so I’ve been told. It helps us recognize when things aren’t okay. It questions risks by reflecting internally, challenging ourselves or signaling when to retreat.

But when self-doubt becomes chronic, it’s hard to keep that reflective motivation. Instead, I focus on unhealthy proof of negativity. The inner voice grows louder: “What am I doing?” “I can’t do this.” “They don’t actually care.”

Then the extrovert, people-pleasing version of me kicks in. I try harder, make more effort, and push to succeed, even if it means fueling my own negative beliefs.”

That’s why the phrase “You should be enough for yourself first, and the rest of the world can wait” is a hard lesson to learn.

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I’ve been able to practice this in some parts of my life:

• Navigating the ups and downs of friendships, learning to appreciate their true value.
• Standing up when told “you’re too much,” and owning my muchiness.
• Leaving jobs where I felt undervalued, celebrating independence, even if I later cry over unemployment.
• I’ve also learned to recognize the difference between bragging and using social media realistically, as an honest acknowledgment of hard work (like when I post about my kids).

We Are Our Own Worst Critics

We often forget this: we are our own worst critique.

By golly, this book journey has been all of this.

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh

Except… I wrote a book. I was told it was good.

But do I believe that more than the negative editors? The rejections? Today… no.

A Final Thought: You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out

& if you’re looking for the ‘best advice’- I don’t have it, because I’m still in an internal tug-of-war between self-doubt and showing up.

But healing isn’t fixing. I’ve learned.

I don’t have to silence the negative voices with success.

I just have to meet them with curiosity & self-compassion.

If that resonates. you’ll love the fullness of the message from the Merriment Maker herself:

These are the tools I come back to when I need reminders.

I am enough, even when my days are cloudy.
And the sunshine?
It can wait.