Merry Christmas: Facing anxiety, reading books, & buying supports

This morning, I woke up at 5am & spent a lot of money on books.

Merry Christmas to me. 🎄📚

This past week, I’ve been caught in an anxiety snowball- tumbling over thoughts. (Lucky my bestie was in town to help me process a LOT!)

• What should I do?
• What the heck am I doing?
• What actually sounds right?

I’ve been hunched over my laptop, researching, reaching out, & dare I say. . . doing math. (Bestie used to be a math teacher, so I had my work double checked.)

All of this while binging cheesy Christmas love stories in the background- where everyone is finding their love, finding their purpose, & families are some version of perfect or eventually understanding.

& with ample support, I stopped spiraling… & I became motivated.

Blunt word vomit

There are a lot of guides & resources on how to make a book. I’ve done most of them wrong (I’ve said this before).

Whenever I’d start researching & moving slowly, my self-doubt would creep in & I’d freak out- so I’d rush ahead instead. Then, admittedly, I’d kick myself for going too fast on certain things.

But every time I was too hard on myself, I reminded myself to hold onto the happiness that came from completing the task.

“Progress counts, even when the path looks messy.”

“You don’t have to do it perfectly to do it meaningfully.”

Example: Setting Up Advanced Reader Copies

Originally, I expected to only do POD, so I opened ARCs with the plan:

• Mail hardcover copies end of December
• Send digital copies Early January
• Launch everything on February 1st

Then I changed course. I decided to bulk offset print.

Which means my ARCs are shifting.

Anyone who selected hardcover—nope, not right away. Books are delayed. Digital copies are going out first.

January 5th – Digital ARC reader emails roll out
February 1st – E-book orders open & hardcover bundle pre-orders begin
March – Hardcovers ship
March – Local launch party pickup

My ARC reader team isn’t going to look like other author’s, & that’s okay.

I’m also bad at—scratch that—honestly, I just don’t want to do little launch-rocket email updates with dates, because my timeline keeps shifting.

& I’m not sure what that will mean in the end for some really great influencer ARC readers I secured, but to quote Alma, “I’ll get what I get and I won’t get upset“—because I like what I’m building. If people still want to join, great.

Mental health feeds on comparison

We stay connected, but we also create idealized versions of connection. Comparison traps us. It happens daily- through highlight reels, blog posts, & advice platforms. Even when the intention is support, I still measure myself against what I see.

When I’m able to slow down & think critically, I can create a clearer vision of what this book is meant to feel like—for me—& what my real goal is.

I may have ruined my timelines, my promises, but after doing so many things “wrong,” I cannot wait to do something right.

I priced out five different offset printing companies. I had some great conversations. I had some not-so-great ones. & ultimately, I mapped out the math.

I wanted 500 books. I bought 1,000.

& surprisingly- to both Matt & me- it didn’t feel like a wild decision. The moment we realized we’d have that much inventory, we knew exactly what we wanted to do.

Give the book away.

I only wanted 500. Now I have double.

Time to create a way to give back.

what name do you like? vote in the comments….

A Pay-It-Forward bundle.
A Buy-One-Give-One bundle.
A Support-and-Save bundle.

Two books—one for you, & one for someone else.

Stick it in a Little Library. Send it to a school. Share it with a therapist. Give it to a family/friend who needs it. Leave it in loving hands.

Self-care is compassion, action, & support

I also have plans for:

• A Proceeds Bundle
• A Swag Bundle
• A Mental-Health Kit Bundle

Time to do more than math… time to build a commerce store! 🛒✨

I’ll get what I get—& I won’t get upset. 🤍

Also—stay tuned on Instagram to see the story of Cloudy Swag… rumor has it a very generous benefactor sent me a very sunny hello! ☀️✨